🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀 PETER TOBIN IS DEAD 🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀
Chances are at least one of 2022’s celebrity deaths deeply saddened you. But death is the great equaliser and plenty of nasty bastards have also died throughout the year. Now it’s time for an extra-welcome uncorking of the champagne bottle, a beast so horrid that the likes of Robert Durst look merely purgatory-bound in comparison – Scottish serial killer paedo rapist Peter Tobin has finally entered hell aged 76. Jailed in 1993 for the rape of two teenagers who mercifully survived, he was inexplicably released a decade later and shortly afterwards a church handyman named Pat McLaughlin was under suspicion for the rape and murder of young student Angelika Kluk. McLaughlin turned out to be a fake alias of Tobin’s, the DNA matched, and he was back in prison for good.
Subsequent investigations revealed he had used dozens of different aliases and addresses to get away with decades of horror, including a strong possibly of being Bible John. Though only two further murders were definitively connected to him, he boasted from prison that he killed 48 people while taunting his victims’ families and refusing to clarify details to police. Not unlike Ian Brady before him, Tobin had falsely raised our hopes with “health issues” for so long that we were half expecting him to live to 2040 out of spite, but mercifully the end has come. 10 teams picked him, including Deceased Hose, Fade to Black, Quite Unwell Illustrious Mortals, and Stephen Hawking’s Football Boots, but the real winner is humanity as a whole.
Peter Tobin
27 August 1946 – 8 October 2022, aged 76
10 TEAMS (💀💀💀💀💀💀💀 7 POINTS)