Derby Dead Pool

COLONEL POPPED In charting Elvis Presley’s rise and fall from humble Mississippi lad to genre-defining cultural phenomenon to pill-popping lardarse, no other name was as pivotal as his manager, Colonel Tom Parker. The enigmatic Dutchman illegally immigrated to the US and long cloaked his true origins, portraying himself as a southern gent and promoting famous […]

C. W. RECALLED Pig Pen, 10-4, this here’s the Rubber Duck, we got word round here that one of our truckers didn’t make it, fer shur it’s one of the smokies that got im… Pig Pen, 10-4, I hear ya, yer sayin’ it was just the Big C… From annoying Donald Duck impersonations to Chuck […]

ADROIT DETROIT PICK FOR REPTILE Former Detroit Symphony Orchestra boss Anne Parsons has died of lung cancer, aged 64. After leading several other classy musical bodies across the US, she came aboard the DSO in 2004 during a time of financial turmoil for the orchestra. Her leadership, defined by a strategy that emphasised vaster outreach […]

CERCLING THE DRAIN Belgian footballer Miguel Van Damme has died aged 28 after a half-decade battle with leukaemia. He played as a goalkeeper for Cercle Brugge, a club that frequently yo-yos between the Belgian First and Second Divisions. Van Damme’s cancer struggle somewhat paralleled this, with a constant alternation between remission and recurrence that left […]

ICED COFFEY Comedy actress Denise Coffey has died aged 85. Remembered for her impish performances on stage and screen, she was the only female cast member of Python predecessor Do Not Adjust Your Set, a regular in various Stanley Baxter programmes, and appeared in 60s films such as Georgy Girl. To the side, she enjoyed […]

ALBRIGHT ALL DIMMED Reactions to the death of former US Secretary of State Madeleine Albright spanned the whole gamut, from “rest in power slay queen!” to “good riddance war criminal”. Here at the DDP, we aim to strike a balance where we can. Born in Czechoslovakia, her family escaped to the US during WWII because […]

CLOAK AND DAGNY Swedish centenarian blogger Dagny Carlsson has posted her last update, aged 109. Inspired to take up blogging following a computer class taken when she was 99, she enjoyed routine Swedish media appearances in her final decade and even met King Carl XVI Gustaf. The “world’s oldest blogger” hook was enough for a […]

JOLTED JOE D’ORAZIO Before his death aged 99, Joe D’Orazio was the oldest living pro wrestler and the last major link to the scene in 50s Britain. Beginning his career in 1948, he preferred competing in foreign tournaments due to his disdain for Joint Promotions, the dominant force in British wrestling at the time. A […]

DISCOUNT FALMOUTH George Boscawen, 9th Viscount Falmouth, has died at the age of 102, days after someone vandalised his Wikipedia page with his “death”. Unfortunately, if it turns out that vandal has the Death Note, Kissinger’s article is semi-protected. A member of the Boscawen family which has owned swaths of land in Cornwall for centuries, […]

TO THE MANOR MOURN Versatile actor Peter Bowles has died of cancer aged 85. Though best known for his starring role in hit class-conscious BBC sitcom To the Manor Born as suave Czech market mogul Richard DeVere, he also was widely respected for his lengthy theatre career that kickstarted with Old Vic in the 1950s. […]