INOKI BOMBED-BA-YE
The DDP was four years of nirvana for wrestling fans, with Spade and msc both knowing WWE like the back of their hand. That joyride has come to an end, with my base of knowledge roughly ending at knowing who Lou Albano was because of Mario and Cyndi Lauper. And that means sod all for obitwriting when he died in 2009. Seemingly the deadpooling gods are aware of this, with us lasting until October without a major wrestling obit under my watch. The first has now come, with batshit Japanese sensation Antonio Inoki taking it on the chin aged 79.
(for those fearing a return of TMIB “not another sodding wrestler” obits, msc’s SparkNotes have educated me to the point I’ve inherited his disdain for Superstar Billy Graham, so rest easy…)
Inoki began wrestling in the 60s and developed a “strong style” that drew heavily from martial arts. By the 70s he was fully established as an arena-filling star and essentially the Japanese wrestler, readily recognisable with his penchant for red ties and scarves, and a chin to rival Leno. In 1972, he founded New Japan Pro-Wrestling, the dominant wrestling company in Japan and one of the biggest worldwide. He was declared WWF Heavyweight Champion for 6 days after defeating Bob Backlund, albeit his reign is not officially recognised.
A master of self-promotion, Inoki boasted a merchandise line of everything from vitamin water to condoms. The most famous examples were his largely staged fights with combatants of all stripes from boxers to sumo wrestlers, that are seen as predecessors to mixed martial arts. His best-remembered crossover fight, a shoot against Muhammad Ali that ended in a draw, was panned by the spectators and mostly remembered for Inoki low kicking The Greatest’s legs into bloated jelly. Despite that embarrassment, the men became good friends, and Inoki later adopted Ali’s theme music as his own. Several years later, Inoki yearned to fight against former boxer Idi Amin, and his biggest complaint was how strict the rules would have to be for a hypothetical match.
He never got to fight Amin, but hobnobbing with dictators would become a trademark of Inoki’s forays into politics. After being elected to the upper house of the National Diet of Japan, he deployed a sort of “wrestling diplomacy” with despots – first hosting matches in Iraq to successfully persuade Saddam Hussein to release Japanese hostages, then frequently visiting North Korea, where he hosted a wrestling superevent in 1995 alongside Ric Flair. Rumour has it that he’s entering the afterworld with style by arranging a tussle with Genghis Khan.
Inoki was ill with amyloidosis in recent years, and his corpselike visage increased deadpooler interest. Five teams, including Droller Coaster and Bucket Of Blood, won’t have to worry about negotiating with any dictators for the deal the Reaper sent their way.
Antonio Inoki
20 February 1943 – 1 October 2022, aged 79
5 TEAMS (💀💀💀💀💀💀💀 7 POINTS)