UNDER THE CANDELABRA
As I wind down my hosting stint, it is poetic I get to send off my archnemesis in a final showdown like some sort of samurai film. Scott Thorson’s troubled life is best remembered for a relationship with Liberace marked by lavish gifts, undergoing plastic surgery to more closely resemble his bf, drug addiction, and court battles. He chronicled his time as Mr. Showmanship’s boy toy in his book Behind the Candelabra, which became a popular film in 2013 starring Michael Douglas as Liberace and Matt Damon as Thorson. Thorson also alleged a relationship with Michael Jackson, and he was witness to the Wonderland murders orchestrated by gangster Eddie Nash.
That’s not what you came into this obit for, though. If the late Olympic runner Lee Evans, who was diagnosed with a benign brain tumour in late 2011 (and posted on the DeathList forums at the same time, conveniently excluding the “benign”), gave his name to the “Lee Evans gambit” for deadpool red herrings, it was Thorson who epitomised it. In the final days of late 2012, our Scott told the National Enquirer he had colon cancer and wasn’t sure how much time he had left. Spade Cooley posted the news to the forums, though anyone who did their digging would have uncovered that it was only stage II, and that Thorson wasn’t the most reliable of narrators.
Yet some strong 2013 teams fell for him. Poochie, The Beatles Are Dying In The Wrong Order, Ethnic Cleansing, and Dead Ends all managed top 40 placements that could have perhaps gone even higher had they opted to go Scott free.
Oh, and me.
That fecker Thorson!
For the rest of his years, he went in and out of prison for burglaries and credit card fraud, while continuing to struggle with drugs and claim ill health. He became so regarded for his ability to tank teams that he was Joe Biden’s debate prep coach earlier this year. Though title aspirants avoided him from 2014 on, his meme status kept him as an everpresent pick, with 2021 the only year this gigolo ain’t got nobody.
His death certainly feels a physics-defying moment, but then, his drama queening was only rivaled by Superstar Billy Graham, and look at Superstar now. He was 65 and picked by five lucky teams. I’ll miss him, in a strange way. At least we’ll always have Dr. NakaMats…
Scott Thorson
23 January 1959 – 16 August 2024, aged 65
5 TEAMS (💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀 8 POINTS)