Simon Cowell (not that one)


We recently wrapped up the great Frank Field v. Frank Field rap battle (ft. guest vocalist Frank Ifield), maybe we can get a Simon Cowell ball rolling. If the name Simon Cowell instantly conjures up the uncanny valley music vampire, in a just world the conservationist would be the better known. Cowell founded the charity Wildlife Aid Foundation in 1980 with the aim of nurturing injured animals back to health and re-releasing them into the wild. What started as a hobby evolved into a life mission, and his charity has rescued hundreds of thousands of animals, earned him an MBE, and was the focus of the long running Animal Planet show Wildlife SOS. So he was definitely a better person than the other Cowell by every possible metric, and his animals were even better singers than Cowell’s projects.

He was 72 and first picked on the DDP in 2021, by a theme team of pairs of people with the same name. A terminal lung cancer diagnosis made him a canon pick for the past two years, and in recent weeks the zoo gates had opened and the cancer spread all over his body. What I’d assumed would be a status quo pick might be a pivotal moment in the competition – while most title contenders picked him, it’s a slip up for Banana that sees current silver The Sound of the Underground close the gap to nine points.

Simon Cowell
19 April 1952 – 9 June 2024, aged 72
66 TEAMS (💀💀💀💀💀💀💀 + 40 = 10 POINTS)