Celebrity picks for Derby Dead Pool 2008: K

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Kabila, Joseph Born 4 June 1971  (Hewa Bora, Fizi, Democratic Republic of Congo) President of the Democratic Republic of Congo since 2001, following the assassination of his father. Ailing Rulers of Africa Milksnatcher Bites The Dust!!

Kalashnikov, Mikhail Born 10 November 1919  (Kurya, Siberia) Military engineer who designed the the AK-47 assault rifle which has become synonymous with his name. In 2004, he began marketing his own brand of vodka; the two products perhaps don't make the best of bedfellows. How Much For Those Stem Cells? Dave's Bungalow Of Death My Toes Are Real People The Mortuary Posse ...the Salmon Mousse!!! We'reAllGonnaDie!

Kallen, Kitty Born 25 May 1922  (Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, USA) Big band singer of the 1940s & 1950s, but whose star has waned since then. To Hell With Living

Kanu, Nwankwo Born 1 August 1976  (Owerri, Nigeria) Footballer, for Nigeria & Portsmouth, formerly with Arsenal & Inter Milan. And er.. West Brom.. Rich's Goners

Kapoor, Shammi Born 21 October 1931  (Mumbai, India) Bollywood film star - very popular in the 1950's & 1960's. Mr C

Karzai, Hamid Born 24 December 1957  (Kandahar, Afghanistan) Pashtun leader whose anti-Soviet, anti-Taliban views persuaded the Americans to install him as leader of Afghanistan's interim government in December 2001. Much more importantly, he has won praise from the Gucci fashion house for his trademark green coat and rather funky ceremonial hat, which he made himself from his own facial hair. Bring On The Rigor Close The Casket Doom Maker Heads in a Bag Henry's Half-Dead Heroes Kackers United Kennedy Driving School Nobody Gets Out Of Here Alive Six Feet Under The Old G1ts  You Keep Me Hanging On

Kasem, Casey Born 27 April 1932  (Detroit, Michigan, USA) Radio & TV presenter & disc jockey of Lebanese descent. Team Rumsfeld

Kasparov, Garry Born 13 April 1963  (Baku, Azerbaijan) Retired former world chess champion, who has now entered the dangerous world of Russian politics, opposing Vladimir Putin. I Think We're Alone Now Sporting Lesbian Taxi For.............!

Katona, Kerry Born 6 September 1980  (Warrington, Cheshire, England) Former topless model and member of Atomic Kitten who admitted to never having sung a note on any of the band's hits. Now a divorced mother of two in her mid-20s, the vacuous, talentless bint amazingly has the gall to hold herself up as a role model for young women. Oh, and she urges parents to feed their kids on processed "ADHD in a Box" ready meals from Iceland. Digging the Grave What's Up Doc? You Are In Grave Danger Y-Shaped Coffin

Kaufman, Sir Gerald Born 21 June 1930  (Leeds, Yorkshire, England) Creepy & dour former Labour party MP, former shadow foreign & home secretary. Dead Commons

Kaunda, Kenneth Born 28 April 1924  (Chinsali, Zambia) President of Zambia from 1964-91. Ailing Rulers of Africa Dave's Bungalow Of Death Indiana Jones And The Coffin Of Doom

Keeler, Christine Born 22 February 1942  (Uxbridge, Middlesex, England) Former model and dancer who brought down the career of John Profumo and, eventually, the reign of PM Harold Macmillan. To Hell With Living

Kelly, David Born 11 July 1929  (Dublin, Republic of Ireland) Played Michael O'Sullivan in the 1998 comedy hit "Waking Ned" (aka "Waking Ned Devine"), and O'Reilly, the cowboy builder in "Fawlty Towers". Living In A Box The Blue And White Reaper

Kelly, Gary Born 3 August 1966  (Fulwood, Lancashire) Former goalkeeper for Bury & Oldham, brother of fellow goalkeeper Alan. Kelly announced in 2007 that he had cancer. The Terry Fenwick Select XX

Kelly, Gerry Born 5 April 1953  (Belfast, Northern Ireland) Former IRA terrorist, who jailed for his crimes, went on hunger strike & then escaped from The Maze prison. Somewhat, incredibly, he is now a respected politician, and is currently Sinn Féin Spokesperson for Policing and Justice! A Kick In The Ghoulies

Kelly, Robert "R." Born 8 January 1967  (Chicago, Ilinois, USA) Singer, best known for his song "I Believe I Can Fly" - which he insists was NOT copied from Keith Harris & Orville. Team Rumsfeld

Kendall, Howard Born 22 May 1946  (Ryton-on-Tyne, Tyne & Wear, England) Former footballer & successful title-winning manager for Everton, who is still the last English manager to win a European cup competition with an English Club. That's likely to last for some while yet... Fowler09

Kendall, Kenneth Born 7 August 1924  (India) Newsreader and "Treasure Hunt" presenter. Bloody Dead Rep Co-Op Funerals

Kenna, Edward Born 6 July 1919  (Hamilton, Victoria, Australia) Another of the relatively few living VC holders, won during World War 2. Milksnatcher Bites The Dust!! They All End Up Smelling The Same, Anyway

Kennedy, Caroline Born 27 November 1957  (New York City, New York, USA) Daughter of JFK & Jackie O. Club Carp

Kennedy, George Born 18 February 1925  (New York, New York, USA) Tall, well-built bit-part actor who has been in over 100 films and 50 TV programmes, but, somewhat depressingly for him, remains best known as Leslie Nielsen's police squad sidekick in the three Naked Gun movies. Heads in a Bag Heartbreak Motor Oil Kennedy Driving School Kiss of Death The Funeral Director 08 To Hell With Living

Kennedy, Ludovic Born 3 November 1919  (Edinburgh, Scotland) Writer and broadcaster - former presenter of Independent Television News and regular contributor to Newsweek magazine. Best Left To Rest Condi's Harbingers Of Criminals Dave's Bungalow Of Death Kurt Cobain's Trigger Finger Sorry God - I Thought You Were Kenny Rogers TiMr Whittaker's Choice

Kennedy, Ray Born 28 July 1951  (Seaton Delaval, Northumberland, England) Former Liverpool and England footballer, now suffering from Parkinson's Disease. Already Dead Dysfunctional Lord Football's Terminally Ill XX

Kennedy, Senator Edward Born 22 February 1932  (Brookline, Massachusetts, USA) US Senator - brother of JFK and Rosemary Kennedy. Ace Deathware Buzzards Club Carp Croak Here Dead Beats Kennedy Driving School

Kennedy Shriver, Eunice Born 10 July 1921  (Brookline, Massachusetts, USA) Fifth of the nine Kennedy children, sister to John F., Robert F. and Edward M., wife of Robert Sargent Shriver, former VP candidate, and founder of the Special Olympics. A. L. F. But I'm Not Dead Yet Canadian Paul Cap'n Ohtz Deceased Hose Eternity Tours Hardwood Surround Hunting Halos JoeRam Kurt Cobain's Trigger Finger Lard Bazaar Let Us Embalm You Liquiessence & Putridity Madonna's Hand of Bod Misers  Morbid United FC Mr C No Noose Is Good Noose Riding The Jesus Train Rude Kid Stainless Coffin The Conqueror Worm The Doffin' Codgers Tonight Matthew I'm Going To Be Badly-Torn Boy Win One For The Dead

Kent, Barbara Born 16 December 1906  (Gasby, Alberta, Canada) Actress in 1920s and '30s silent movies. IlikeykillypartIII Skeleton Crew The End of the World As We Know It The Mortuary Posse Win One For The Dead

Kent, Duchess of Born 22 February 1933  (Hovingham Hall, Yorkshire, England) Katharine Lucy Mary Windsor - married to (unsurprisingly) the Duke of Kent, who is the Queen's cousin. Mr & Mrs Drummerboy

Kent (Prince Edward), Duke of Born 9 October 1935  (Belgrave Square, London, England) The Duke of Kent since 1942, after his father was killed in an air crash. Also head of the Lawn Tennis Association & so often seen at Wimbledon. Breathless In Seattle One Less Bullet Come The Revolution

Kerkorian, Kirk Born 6 June 1917  (Fresno, California, USA) Reclusive Armenian-American billionaire, responsible for making Las Vegas the entertainment venue it is today. Gravediggin' Grandaddy The Old G1ts

Kermode, Sir Frank Born 29 November 1919  (Douglas, Isle of Man) Manx-born literary critic. Pooil Vaaish

Kerr, Graham Born 22 January 1934  (London, England) One of the first celebrity chefs - still well remembered as "The Galloping Gourmet" Heartbreak Motor Oil

Kershner, Irvin Born 29 April 1923  (Philadephia, Pennsylvania, USA) Film director, perhaps best known for "The Empire Strikes Back". Die, Die, Die My Darling

Kevorkian, Dr Jack Born 26 May 1928  (Pontiac, Michigan, USA) Leading proponent of voluntary euthanasia. There'd be a certain irony if he got the chance to try it out for himself this year... Above Average For Norfolk Banobo Kings Dustbusters Circling The Drain Dave's Bungalow Of Death Dead Calm Dead Ends Die Allready From Dust To Dung Gravediggin' Grandaddy Heads in a Bag I Smell Dead People It Tolls For Thee JoeRam Johnny Foreskin And The Pullbacks Liquiessence & Putridity Mary Tyler Morgue Mave's Graves Mean Machine Morbid United FC Next Up Noah Reason And The Youth In Asia  .....norfolk & Good Phreebyrd Rich's Goners Shovelful Of Dirt The Doffin' Codgers The Last Gasp The Pale Horseman's Pearly Gatecrashers There's A Mr Death At The Door, Something About The Reaping We Spin Terror Worm Food You Keep Me Hanging On

Keyes, Evelyn  Born 20 November 1916  (Port Arthur, Texas, USA) Died 4 July 2008  (Montecito, California, USA) Age at death: 91  (read death notice) American actress, best known for playing Sue-Ellen O'Hara in "Gone With The Wind". Team Bigfoot

Khalfan Ghailani, Ahmed Born 13 April 1974  (Zanzibar, Tanzania) Member of Al-Qaeda, currently imprisoned at Guantanamo Bay Camp. Steeny

Khamenei, Ayatollah Ali Born 17 July 1939  (Mashhad, Iran) Former President of Iran, and current Supreme Leader, since 1989. Banda Aceh Surf Club David the Aspie No Noose Is Good Noose Pulse The Last Gasp

Khan, Abdul Qadeer Born 1 April 1936  (Bhopal, India) Controversial scientist, the founder of Pakistan's nuclear programme & a national hero. Under house arrest since 2004, he is also fighting cancer. Mave's Graves One Foot In The Grave Pining For The Fjords The Deadest Man In Deadonia They Died And Left Me In Charge

Khan, Imran Born 25 November 1952  (Lahore, Pakistan) Former Pakistani cricketer, turned media celebrity, turned socialite, turned politician, turned arch-enemy of President Musharraf! 666 Bosunic Rites Erith Sickos It's Life Jim, But Not As We Know It Slasherslist The Final Whistle The Big Big Underdogs Of Old Hull City

Kibaki, Mwai Born 15 November 1931  (Gatuyiani, Nyeri, Kenya) Current President of Kenya, since 2002. Ailing Rulers of Africa Bloody Dead Rep Rich's Goners Time Is NOT On Our Side! To The Other Side

Kidd, Eddie Born 22 June 1959  (London, England) Stunt man, best known for his motorcycle stunts, a UK version of Evel Knievel. The Destroying Angels Vicious Malcious Wild Geeses

Kidder, Margot Born 17 October 1948  (Yellowknife, Northwest Territories, Canada) Actress, probably best known for her role as Lois Lane in the Superman films of the 1980's. Graham Reaper's Dead Army

Kiel, Richard Born 13 September 1939  (Detroit, Michigan, USA) Absurdly tall (7'2") actor who played steel-toothed baddie Jaws in the James Bond films 'The Spy Who Loved Me' and 'Moonraker'. Die, Die, Die My Darling The Deadest Man In Deadonia This Mortal Coil To Hell With Living You Are In Grave Danger

Killen, Edgar Ray Born 17 January 1925  (Neshoba, Mississippi, USA) Former member of the Ku Klux Klan who conspired to kill several civil rights activists in the 1960's. Currently rotting away in prison. Taking Up The Rear

Kilminster, Ian Born 24 December 1945  (Stoke-on-Trent, Staffordshire, England) Warty-faced rocker Lemmy out of Motorhead. Deathpig Redmyst XX

King, B. B. Born 16 September 1925  (Itta Bena, Mississippi, USA) American blues guitarist and songwriter. One of King's trademarks is naming his guitars "Lucille", a tradition that began in the 1950s. Carrion Luggage Ace Deathware Konzentrationslager Bazzilliant Best Left To Rest Dark, Brown And Dead  Die Allready Eternity Tours Nelson Mandela Must Die Globaltruth Gravediggin' Grandaddy Mean Machine Mr & Mrs Drummerboy Northernfox Ron Mexico's Doggy Daycare Steeny

King, Ben E. Born 28 September 1938  (Henderson, North Carolina, USA) Singer & songwriter, best known for his song "Stand By Me". To Hell With Living

King, Jonathan Born 9 December 1944  (Godalming, Surrey, England) Musician and TV presenter who was sentenced to 7 years in jail in 2001 for sexually abusing teenage boys. Jellydead

King, Larry Born 19 November 1933  (Brooklyn, New York, USA) American broadcaster, who hosts a world-famous chat show. 2 Sick 2 Not Quit  Bii Hoff Dirt Nappers Is He/she Still Alive? Tentoesup Tick Tock Stopped Ticking Worm Food

King, Stephen Born 21 September 1947  (Portland, Oregon, USA) Horror writer - 'Carrie', 'The Shining', 'It', 'Misery' etc. Bladder Monkies I'll Sleep When You're Dead

Kinnear, Joe Born 27 December 1946  (Dublin, Republic of Ireland) Former Tottenham & Ireland footballer, before becoming a very outspoken, but not particulary successful manager. Co-Op Funerals

Király, Béla Born 14 August 1912  (Kaposvar, Hungary) Hungarian military ace & historian, author & later politician in the Hungarian Parliament. Simfish Inquilinekea

Kirkpatrick, Don Date and place of birth unknown Guitarist, mostly in colloboration with Rod Stewart. Already Dead Banda Aceh Surf Club

Kissinger, Henry Born 23 May 1923  (Fürth, Germany) Secretary of State in the US government under Presidents Nixon and Ford. Shared the 1973 Nobel Peace Prize for helping to broker a ceasefire in Vietnam - ironic, given that he'd been part of the government that started the war in the first place. A Kick In The Ghoulies Bob Mugabe's Swingtime Band Boxed Up And Ready To Go Condi's Harbingers Of Criminals Dead Beats Dead Keyne Death At Taylor Hall In Death Do Us Fart Pushing Up Daisies Rich's Goners Stainless Coffin Taxi For.............! Indiana Jones And The Coffin Of Doom The Mortuary Posse Vote Or Die! 2008 We'reAllGonnaDie!

Kitt, Eartha Born 26 January 1927  (Columbia, South Carolina, USA) Singer/actresssssssss. Grassyknoll Grayson Naked Florida Gravediggers This Team Is So Safe It Is Sponsored By Volvo

Klugman, Jack Born 27 April 1922  (Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, USA) TV actor, best known as Oscar Madison in 'The Odd Couple' and the eponymous Dr Quincy in 'Quincy'. Had part of his larynx removed in the mid-1990s as a result of throat cancer. 2 Sick 2 Not Quit Beginnings of Rigor Erith Sickos Flanges Unlucky In Life Forrest Lawn Jockeys Graeme's Unfortunate Gems Grassyknoll Grayson in eternum+'s Wrinkly Dicks One Foot In The Grave Shovelful Of Dirt The Grinning Reaper The Morbid Postman This Team Is So Safe It Is Sponsored By Volvo We Are Celebrities - Get Us Out Of Here!

Knatchbull, Patricia Born 14 February 1924  (London, England) The 2nd Countess Mountbatten of Burma, first cousin of Phil the Greek. One Less Bullet Come The Revolution Stiff & the Tears

Knight, Marion 'Suge' Born 19 April 1965  (Compton, California, USA) Co-founder of rap & hip-hop label Death Row Records. Once allegedly dangled Vanilla Ice out of a seventh-storey window by his ankles; his only mistake was hauling him back in again. Dark, Brown And Dead

Knox, Barbara Born 30 September 1933  (Oldham, Lancashire, England) Rita Bates/Sullivan/Fairclough in Coronation Street, a role she has played, on & off, since 1964. Dead As A Dodo

Knoxville, Johnny Born 11 March 1971  (Knoxville, Tennesee, USA) Co-creator & star of "Jackass". Dancing Elephants

Knuth, Donald Born 10 January 1938  (Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA) Computer scientist & university tutor. You Mean He's Not Already?

Koch, Ed Born 12 December 1924  (The Bronx, New York, USA) Former Mayor of New York City between 1978 & 1989. Ashes To Ashes I Think We're Alone Now

Kohl, Helmut Born 3 April 1930  (Ludwigshafen am Rhein, Germany) Former Chancellor of Germany between 1982 & 1998. Now drags his enormous bulk around the world attending state functions. Ashes To Ashes Kackers United Pure Dead Brilliant Stahlmatt Wild Geeses

Kohlman, Lynn  Born 12 August 1946  (New York, New York, USA) Died 14 September 2008  (Manhattan, New York, USA) Age at death: 62  (read death notice) Fashion model & photographer. Going Underground Mave's Graves Morbid United FC The Deadest Man In Deadonia The Doffin' Codgers The Pale Horseman's Pearly Gatecrashers

Koirala, Girija Prasad Born 20 February 1925  (Tadi, Bihar, India) Four times Prime Minister of Nepal. Rude Kid

Kony, Joseph Born in Odek, Gulu, Uganda  (exact date unknown) Born in 1962, leader of the Lord's Resistance Army in Uganda. The list of his crimes are horrific but he simply says he is following "God's will" as all his work is based on The Ten Commandments. Can't remember the Commandment at Sunday School that 'thou shalt rape female children & take them as your wives', but I DO remember "Thou shalt not kill" was one of the big ones. Hmmm...... Ailing Rulers of Africa ...the Salmon Mousse!!!

Koop, Dr C. Everett Born 14 October 1916  (Brooklyn, New York, USA) Surgeon General of the United States from 1982-89, under Ronald Reagan's presidency. JoeRam Kiss of Death Samdeal Snort The Ashes Team Rumsfeld

Korman, Harvey  Born 15 February 1927  (Chicago, Illinois, USA) Died 29 May 2008  (Los Angeles, California, USA) Age at death: 81  (read death notice) Gangly American TV comic. Also starred in Mel Brooks' "Blazing Saddles". Laughter Kills You're Not Acting Like Yourself Today -- Are You Dead?

Kozol, Harry Born 2 August 1906  (Boston, Massachusetts, USA) Former psychiatrist, was director of a treatment center in Bridgewater, Mass., for sexually dangerous people & a pioneer in forensic psychiatry, which explores the mental motivations in crime. Hence, he was used as a member of the Prosecution team in Patty Hearst's trial. Appears to still be alive - father of Jonathan Kozol, a writer, educator & activist. Died in August 2008, no obituary yet. Fallen Sparrow

Kozulin, Aleksander Born 25 November 1955  (Minsk, Belarus) Leader of one of Belarus' main opposition parties - an admirable, but not a particulary safe job, due to President Lukashenko's hard-line regime. Dr Death's Diabolical Dice Of Doom

Kresge, George Joseph Born 12 January 1935  (Montclair, New Jersey, USA) Stage & TV magician in the US, normally just billed as "Kreskin". Snort The Ashes

Kucinich, Dennis Born 8 October 1946  (Cleveland, Ohio, USA) Presidental candidate for the Democrats in 2004 & 2008 & politician, a member of the US House of Representatives for Ohio. Ohio and Goodbye-o

Kurkova, Karolina Born 28 February 1984  (Decin, Czech Republic) Czech Supermodel. Team Visalia

Kuznetsov, Pyotr Born in Penza, Russia  (exact date unknown) Born in 1964. Barmy Russian who heads a cult calling itself "The True Russian Orthodox Court" - he has threatened to call a mass suicide as they believe the World will end in May 2008. Also known as Father Pyotr. Biologically Dead

Kyi, Aung San Suu Born 19 June 1945  (Rangoon, Burma) Burmese pro-democracy activist. Bob Mugabe's Swingtime Band Wawix World

Kyle, Jack Born 10 February 1926  (Belfast, Northern Ireland) Irish Rugby Player, legendary fly-half for Ireland & the British Lions. Later worked as a medical practitioner in Zambia. This Way Or That

Kyle, Jeremy Born 7 June 1965  (Canning Town, London, England) ITV’s own ringmaster of the proletariat offers indulgent, self-serving entertainment to the nation’s legions of kept middle-class housewives, students and the retired. Profound absence of opportunity and lack of a basic education are no defence against Kyle's non-unique brand of self-righteous, sanctimonious life coaching. In Bed With Maradona

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