Celebrity picks for Derby Dead Pool 2004: M

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Born 25 December 1957 (Tunbridge Wells, Kent, England)

Dentally challenged singer-songwriter who used to front the Pogues, and latterly the Popes (though recently he went back to the Pogues for a reunion tour). Constantly rumoured to be on the brink of death due to non-stop drinking, smoking and drug-taking. At one stage, for example, he was said to be taking fifty tabs of acid a day - smoke your heart out, Shaun Ryder!

MacLaine, Shirley

Born 24 April 1934 (Richmond, Virginia, USA)

Oddball Hollywood actress who has starred in countless films, such as "Some Came Running" (1958), "The Apartment" (1960), "Sweet Charity" (1969) and "Postcards from the Edge" (1990). Pointlessly changed her name from Shirley MacLean Beaty, and indeed is the brother of Warren, who pointlessly changed his surname to Beatty. Doctors described her as being "in tip-top shape" in 2002, though this probably applies to her physical health only. A big believer in reincarnation, and New Age horseshit in general, she claims to have had an affair with the late Swedish prime minister Olaf Palme, who apparently was a reincarnation of Emperor Charlemagne; symmetrically, she was a lover of Emperor Charlemagne in a previous life. Oh, and aliens have landed on her front porch as well.

Dave's Dead, Aye Dead Drunk

Madden, John

Born 10 April 1936 (Austin, Minnesota, USA)

Former head coach of the Oakland Raiders (overseeing their victory in Superbowl XI), who has been an NFL commentator on TV for over twenty years. He's also a best-selling sports author who, in a stroke of genius, gave his first book the title "Hey, Wait a Minute, I Wrote a Book!"

Eat My Dust

Malden, Karl (Died in 2009)

Born 22 March 1912 (Gary, Indiana, USA)

Serbian immigrant (real name Mladen Sekulovich) and former steelworker who became a bit-part movie actor. However, he was better known as Detective Lieutenant Mike Stone in the '70s TV series 'The Streets of San Francisco'.

Mandela, Nelson

Born 18 July 1918 (Umtata, South Africa)

Leader of the African National Congress, which was outlawed in 1948, when apartheid was legalised in South Africa. He was imprisoned for allegedly being involved in a bomb plot, and spent 27 years inside, before being freed as part of President FW de Klerk's reforms in 1990. Mandela himself became President from 1994-97.

Manning, Bernard (Died in 2007)

Born 13 August 1930 (Ancoats, Manchester, England)

Larger-than-wife stand-up performer from the old school of comedy, known for his racist and sexist jokes and general refusal to accept political correctness. He has recently retired on grounds of ill health, leaving the running of his Embassy Club to son Bernard, Jr.

Marceau, Marcel (Died in 2007)

Born 22 March 1923 (Strasbourg, France)

Thanks to the lack of sophistication of the French sense of humour, Marceau has managed to make a living as a mime artist for over 50 years, mainly playing his white-faced Ronald McDonald lookalike character, Bip. With self-conscious irony, he had the only speaking part in Mel Brooks' film 'Silent Movie' (1976).

Marcos, Imelda

Born 2 July 1929 (Manila, Philippines)

Former beauty queen, lavish-living, obsessive shoe-collector and widow of former Filipino president Ferdinand Marcos. After his death, she was acquitted of embezzlement in the US, but convicted of the crime of 'graft', whatever that is, in the Philippines.

Henry's Half-Dead Heroes

Maynard, Bill

Born 8 October 1928 (Heath End, Farnham, Surrey, England)

Comic actor who played Selwyn in the sitcom "Oh No! It's Selwyn Froggit" and Claude Greengrass in the soporific TV drama "Heartbeat". After leaving the series due to a stroke suffered while filming, he returned to play the same character in the equally gentle spin-off "The Royal".

Beans

Miller, Arthur (Died in 2005)

Born 17 October 1915 (New York, New York, USA)

Playwright ('Death of a Salesman') and ex-husband of Marilyn Monroe.

Miller, Mitch (Died in 2010)

Born 4 July 1911 (Rochester, New York, USA)

Pianist, oboist, conductor and singer who was head of A&R at Columbia Records from 1950 until 1965, signing Frankie Laine, Tony Bennett, Rosemary Clooney and many others, in addition to firing Frank Sinatra. At the same time he had a highly successful performing career in the form of Mitch Miller and His Gang, and fronted the TV series "Sing Along With Mitch". After leaving Columbia (he hated rock 'n' roll and refused to move with the times) he pretty much disappeared from public life entirely.

Mills, Lady Mary (Died in 2005)

Born 22 January 1911 (place of birth unknown)

Playwright, novelist ("Whistle Down The Wind", written under her birth name of Mary Hayley Bell) and wife of Sir John.

Henry's Half-Dead Heroes

Mills, Sir John (Died in 2005)

Born 22 February 1908 (Felixstowe, Suffolk, England)

Veteran actor (Oh What A Lovely War, Ryan's Daughter, Gandhi etc). Grandfather of Crispian Mills, lead singer of Kula Shaker.

Minnelli, Liza

Born 12 March 1946 (Los Angeles, California, USA)

Daughter of Judy Garland, and moderately successful singer/stage actress in her own right. Has suffered from ill health in recent years as a result of drug abuse, and has been a regular visitor to rehab clinics. Married film producer David Gest in March 2002.

Modell, Art

Born 23 June 1925 (Brooklyn, New York, USA)

Owner of the Baltimore Ravens American football team. Missed a home game for the first time in December 2003, due to respiratory problems.

Molyneaux, Jim

Born 27 August 1920 (place of birth unknown)

Former leader (1979 to 1995) of the Ulster Unionist party, now Lord Molyneaux of Killead. Apparently he still lives on the farm where he was born.

Henry's Half-Dead Heroes

Montalban, Ricardo (Died in 2009)

Born 25 November 1920 (Mexico City, Mexico)

MGM matinee idol who went on to play Mr Roarke in the TV series "Fantasy Island". His performance as Khan Noonien Singh in 1982's "Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan" was a reprisal of his role in a guest appearance on "Star Trek" back in 1967. He also popularised the phrase "rich, Corinthian leather" in his TV commercials for Chrysler in the 1970s.

StuPerks

Moody, Ron

Born 8 January 1924 (London, England)

Film, stage and TV actor, born Ronald Moodnick, remembered for his role as Fagin in 1968's film version of "Oliver!".

Moore, Patrick

Born 4 March 1923 (Pinner, Middlesex, England)

Eminent astronomer and xylophone-player, who has presented every one of BBC television's "The Sky at Night" programmes (which makes him the world's longest-serving presenter). Big mates with Brian May out of Queen, due to their shared interest in space, he was knighted by the Queen in 2001.

Moore, Roger

Born 14 October 1927 (Stockwell, London, England)

The cheesiest of the actors to have played international man of mystery James Bond, he took over from Sean Connery in 1973, appearing in seven Bond films until 1985's "A View to a Kill". The ageing dinner-jacketed eyebrow-raiser now seemingly maintains the Bond persona for real, by living in Switzerland and Monte Carlo with his Swedish wife Christina “Kiki” Tholstrup, a former air stewardess.

Moore, Scotty

Born 27 December 1931 (Gadsden, Tennessee, USA)

Guitarist whose ground-breaking work with Elvis Presley (on "Heartbreak Hotel", "Hound Dog", "Jailhouse Rock" and many more) earned him legendary status, but unfortunately not a salary to match.

Beans

Morgan, Harry

Born 10 April 1915 (Detroit, Michigan, USA)

Prolific film and television actor, probably best known for playing Colonel Sherman T. Potter in long-running TV series "M*A*S*H". Real name Harry Bratsburg.

Octopus of Odstock

Morita, Pat (Died in 2005)

Born 28 June 1932 (Isleton, California, USA)

That annoying "wax on, wax off" teacher out of the "Karate Kid" movies.

Ashes To Ashes Dust Or Bust

Mortimer, John (Died in 2009)

Born 21 April 1923 (Hampstead, London, England)

Barrister turned playwright and novelist, who created Rumpole of the Bailey, but in his old age has become a tedious political rent-a-gob.

Whitaker's Choice

Mubarak, Hosni

Born 4 May 1928 (Kafr-al Musailha, Egypt)

President of Egypt since Anwar Sadat's assassination in 1981. In November 2003 he collapsed in parliament during a televised address, but reappeared shortly afterwards, putting it down to flu.

Mugabe, Robert

Born 22 February 1924 (Kutama, Southern Rhodesia, now Zimbabwe)

President of Zimbabwe, constantly immersed in allegations of vote-rigging and incitement to violence, whose primary gift to the world is the idea that "it's OK to be the president and wear a baseball cap". There has been at least one alleged plot to assassinate the Marxist-when-it-suits-him leader.

Muhammad, John Allen (Died in 2009)

Born 31 December 1960 (New Orleans, Louisiana, USA)

Gulf War veteran (original surname: Williams) who was convicted of murder for his part in the 2002 Washington sniper killings, alongside his younger accomplice Lee Boyd Malvo. The jury on Muhammad's case recommended the death sentence - but that could mean JoeRam has a very long wait, given the usual speed of events on death row.

JoeRam

Muhammad, Ruby

Born 29 March 1897 (Americus, Georgia, USA)

Wife of the late Elijah Muhammad, who founded the Nation of Islam. In 1986 Louis Farrakhan (Elijah Muhammad's successor as leader) named her "Mother of the Nation of Islam". The much-revered centenarian was said to be in excellent mental and physical health in 2003.

One Foot In The Grave

Murdoch, Rupert

Born 11 March 1931 (Melbourne, Victoria, Australia)

American media tycoon who used to be Australian, but cynically switched nationalities for business purposes. Diagnosed with prostate cancer in 2000.

Siegfried Baboon

Musharraf, Pervez

Born 11 August 1943 (Delhi, India)

President of Pakistan, who survived two assassination attempts in as many months towards the end of 2003. Some believe al-Qaeda is on a mission to eliminate him at all costs.

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