Celebrity picks for Derby Dead Pool 2005: P

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Packer, Kerry  Born 17 December 1937  (Sydney, New South Wales, Australia) Died 26 December 2005  (Sydney, New South Wales, Australia) Age at death: 68  (read death notice) Billionaire media mogul, whose empire was originally built on "Women's Weekly" magazine. In 1977 he enraged the "sporting establishment" with his breakaway World Series Cricket. He spent nine months in an iron lung at the age of six, as a result of catching polio, and spent six (or seven, depending who you believe) minutes clinically dead in 1990 following a heart attack (or stroke, depending who you believe). A compulsive gambler who would surface in a news story every couple of years either winning, losing or betting some record amount in richly anecdotal circumstances. Grizly

Page, Bettie (Died in 2008) Born 21 April 1923  (Nashville, Tennessee, USA) Arguably the most famous pin-up model in history, who "disappeared" from the public eye in 1957. The reclusive nature of her subsequent life has helped to fuel her status as a cult icon, though it's done nothing to boost her bank balance, by all accounts. Cefor Certs Mean Machine The Undertaker

Painting, Norman (Died in 2009) Born 23 April 1924  (Leamington Spa, Warwickshire, England) Actor who has played the part of Phil Archer in BBC Radio 4's soap "The Archers" since 1950. And he's a vice-president of the Tree Council, apparently. One Foot In The Grave

Paisley, Rev Ian Born 6 April 1926  (Armagh, Northern Ireland) Loud-mouthed leader of Northern Ireland's Democratic Unionist Party and loud-mouthed leader of Northern Ireland's Free Presbyterian Church. Not to be confused with his son - Ian Paisley, Jnr. - who is also a member of the DUP. Already Dead And Resurrected Bob Mugabe's Swingtime Band The Buddy Holly Flying Experience Cefor Certs Church(yard) On The Hill Close The Casket Dr Death's Diabolical Dice Of Doom Dysfunctional Eejit George Lass and the Gravelings Grassy Knoll Grayson Grobler's Stiff Ones I Smell Dead People Jaguar X-Types The Last Gasp Lived So Let's Die The Newstreet Boys Death Squad  Now The Time Is Near Offaly Bad Taste Peter 'RIP' Trait The Raven Reddmyst 20 Siegfried Baboon’s David Van Day Show Stab In The Dark T. Rex We Don't Want Any Bouncebackability The Winged Devil Monkeys

Palance, Jack (Died in 2006) Born 18 February 1919  (Lattimer Mines, Pennsylvania, USA) Bit-part actor, born Walter Jack Palahnuik. The Coffin-Dodgers Eejit Holicman FT Honez

Palmer, Arnold Born 10 September 1929  (Latrobe, Pennsylvania, USA) Golf maestro, whose business interests include Arnold Palmer Enterprises, the Palmer Course Design Company, the Arnold Palmer Golf Management Company, and the Arnold Palmer Golf Academy (idea for a film). He also helped raise money for the foundation of Orlando's Arnold Palmer Hospital for Children and Women. Big Iain Jesus Jones

Papon, Maurice (Died in 2007) Born 3 September 1910  (Gretz-Armainvilliers, France) Collaborator with the Nazis in France's wartime Vichy government. Helped to round up Jews for deportation to concentration camps. Conveniently started informing against the Nazis when it became obvious that they were losing the war. Found guilty of crimes against humanity in 1998 and sentenced to imprisonment, but freed on health grounds in September 2002. Bob Mugabe's Swingtime Band  Dark Clouds and Silva Linings Octopus of Odstock  We Don't Want Any Bouncebackability

Parker, Christopher Born 24 August 1983  (place of birth unknown) Actor, best known as Spencer Moon in the terminally-depressing TV soap "EastEnders". Knockin' On Satan's Door Not Dead Yet TiM r Worm Food

Parker Bowles, Camilla Born 17 July 1947  (Plumpton, Sussex, England) Prince Charles's wrinkly bit on the side. Six Foot Under

Parks, Rosa  Born 4 February 1913  (Tuskegee, Alabama, USA) Died 24 October 2005  (Detroit, Michigan, USA) Age at death: 92  (read death notice) The black woman who, on 1 December 1955, refused to be moved out of her bus seat for a white passenger, thereby sparking the Montgomery bus boycott and, ultimately, the dismantling of racial segregation in the USA. The 104s Already Dead And Resurrected Dead In Arizona Grassy Knoll Grayson Impaled On The Antlers Of Doom JoeRam Team Lightning Meet Your Maker  Naked Florida Gravediggers Pining For The Fjords See, I Told You I Was Sick! Time Is NOT On Our Side!

Patch, Harry (Died in 2009) Born 17 June 1898  (Combe Down, Bath, England) WWI veteran. Gave vivid recollections in several documentaries, notably BBC's "The Trench". Above Average For Norfolk Henry's Half-Dead Heroes

Patten, Marguerite Born 4 November 1915  (Bath, Somerset, England) Cooking writer and arguably the first TV celebrity chef. The Buddy Holly Flying Experience

Patterson, Floyd (Died in 2006) Born 4 January 1935  (Waco, North Carolina, USA) Boxer who won an Olympic gold medal at the age of 17, became world heavyweight champion at 20, and remained at the top of his sport until his retirement in the late 1960s. Rude Kid Snuff Daddies

Paul, Les (Died in 2009) Born 9 June 1915  (Waukesha, Wisconsin, USA) Guitarist and one of the most important figures in the development of modern electric guitars and recording techniques. Condoleezza's Harbingers of Notapotato Crazycarl Impaled On The Antlers Of Doom

Pavarotti, Luciano (Died in 2007) Born 12 October 1935  (Modena, Italy) Legendary tenor who became a father for the fourth time at the age of 67 (somewhat creepily, this new daughter will be younger than her niece). He has announced he will retire in 2005, on his 70th birthday. Bucket Kickers Crem De La Crem TiM r

Peel, Sir John  Born 10 December 1904  (place of birth unknown) Died 31 December 2005  (location of death unknown) Age at death: 101  (read death notice) The Queen's former gynaecologist, who delivered or assisted in the delivery of all 4 of her children, not the late lamented radio DJ or the ex-Tory MP of the same name. Henry's Half-Dead Heroes

Pell, Claiborne (Died in 2009) Born 22 November 1918  (New York, New York, USA) Senator of Rhode Island from 1961-97, fondly remembered by generations of US college students for introducing "Pell Grants" in 1973. We Spin Terror

Perry, Lee 'Scratch' Born 20 March 1936  (St Mary's, Jamaica, West Indies) Barely sane but hugely influential reggae man. John Stalker

Pertwee, Bill (Died in 2013) Born 21 July 1926  (Amersham, Buckinghamshire, England) British comedy actor, who, despite landing the part of Bert Hodges in "Dad's Army", has never been as famous as his thesp cousin Jon. Bone Collector (Dave) The Doom & Gloom Room

Pesci, Joe Born 9 February 1943  (Newark, New Jersey, USA) Short Italian-American character actor who is always on hand when a film script calls for a short Italian-American character. Which, indeed, many have done, including "Raging Bull", "Goodfellas" and "Home Alone 2: Lost in New York". Bazzilliant

Philip, Prince Born 10 June 1921  (Corfu, Greece) Gaffe-prone "Phil the Greek" also has Danish and German blood. Bazzilliant Church(yard) On The Hill Close The Casket Dead Ringers Dr Death's Diabolical Dice Of Doom Finbarr Returns from the Dead Lived So Let's Die Living In A Box Meet Your Maker Not Dead Yet Offaly Bad Taste The Royton Rovers (Rita, Dave & Kevin Too…) Snuff Daddies Stiff As A Board TiM r Toasted Brown Bread

Phillips, Bum (Died in 2013) Born 23 September 1923  (Orange, Texas, USA) American football coach, who enjoyed most success with the Houston Oilers and now works as a football pundit on TV and radio, still using his ridiculous nickname. He doesn't appear to have got wind of the fact that it stinks. But I'm Not Dead Yet

Phillips, Leslie Born 20 April 1924  (Tottenham, London, England) Comic actor who inherited the "Doctor in..." role from Dirk Bogarde and appeared in a number of the "Carry on..." films. Apparently he also plays the voice of "The Sorting Hat" in the "Harry Potter" movies, whatever that means. Cefor Certs Lived So Let's Die Living In A Box Vassili Zaitsev

Piggott, Lester Born 5 November 1935  (Wantage, Berkshire, England) Unusually tall (5'8") jockey, nine times winner of the Epsom Derby, who was often lampooned for his odd speech impediment, and did time for tax evasion. Six Foot Under

Pinochet, Augusto (Died in 2006) Born 25 November 1915  (Valparaíso, Chile) Former Chilean dictator, installed by a violent US-backed coup in 1973. His regime, finally ousted in 1988 (though he remained commander-in-chief of the army for a further 10 years), was responsible for thousands of murders and "disappearances". He survived an assassination attempt in 1986 and recently has been ruled physically and mentally unfit to stand trial, both in the UK (where he spent over a year under house arrest) and in Chile. So it seems he's probably got away with it all. 57,288,974 Americans Are Smart Bob Mugabe's Swingtime Band Brown Bread Bucket Kickers The Buddy Holly Flying Experience  Close The Casket Dave's Dead, Aye Dead Drunk  Dead Beat Mr & Mrs Drummerboy Dysfunctional  Five-Fingered Hand Of Death Globaltruth The Grey Horde Grim Rita Grizly In Bed With Maradona Jaguar X-Types JoeRam Just Resting My Eyes The Last Gasp The Long-Awaited Return of The Plymouth Jury Louis Cypher Mr C The Newstreet Boys Death Squad Pining For The Fjords Peter 'RIP' Trait Puzlman's Passing Picks Ready For The Box See, I Told You I Was Sick! Slave to the Grave  Stab In The Dark Time Is NOT On Our Side!

Pinter, Harold (Died in 2008) Born 10 October 1930  (Hackney, London, England) Ground-breaking playwright ("The Caretaker" and "The Birthday Party" being his best-known works), stage director, and screenwriter (e.g. "The Last Tycoon" and "The French Lieutenant's Woman"). Having originally trained as an actor, he has recently taken up performing again, both on stage and in the occasional film (e.g. the dodgy 1999 adaptation of "Mansfield Park"). A campaigner for leftist political causes (despite accepting a CBE and a Companionship of Honour from the Queen), the heavy smoker was diagnosed with cancer of the oesophagus in 2002. Henry's Half-Dead Heroes Whitaker's Choice

Poitier, Sidney Born 20 February 1927  (Miami, Florida, USA) Black actor who grew up in the Bahamas as the son of a "dirt farmer", according to IMDb, though what one of those is, is anyone's guess. Anyway, he emigrated to the US and went on to become a leading movie star of the 1950s and '60s, taking lead roles in, among others, "To Sir, With Love" and "Guess Who's Coming To Dinner". Dead As A Dodo

Ponti, Carlo (Died in 2007) Born 11 December 1912  (Magenta, Lombardy, Italy) Film producer, former business partner of Dino De Laurentiis, and husband of Sophia Loren. He switched his nationality to French to avoid various legal scrapes with the Italian authorities. Ready For The Box SexyB's Goners Time Is NOT On Our Side!

Pop, Iggy Born 21 April 1947  (Muskegon, Michigan, USA) Former frontman of The Stooges, but also successful as a solo artist. Born James Jewell Osterberg Jr, he got his nickname from another of his old bands, The Iguanas. Celebrated for being a pioneer of stage-diving and crowd-walking, and for taking industrial quantities of heroin. Finbarr Returns from the Dead

Popper, John Born 29 March 1967  (Cleveland, Ohio, USA) Lead singer and harmonica player with Blues Traveler. Was a right fat git for years, but had his stomach stapled in 2001 and lost 200 pounds as a result. Peter 'RIP' Trait

Powell, Colin Born 5 April 1937  (New York, New York, USA) US Army general who worked under Bush I during Gulf War I, and later became Secretary of State under Bush II, taking the country into Gulf War II. Underwent surgery for prostate cancer in December 2003. Cannot pronounce his own name. Atsusdead The Driller Killer

Prescott, Bert  Date and place of birth unknown Father of lardy, yokel-punching Labour minister John 'Two Jags' Prescott. Died in September 2005 but no obit. Now The Time Is Near

Preston, Billy (Died in 2006) Born 2 September 1946  (Houston, Texas, USA) Pianist, singer and songwriter who has performed with the Beatles, the Stones, Christina Aguilera, and countless other rock, funk and soul acts. He spent much of the 1990s getting into trouble with the law for possession of cocaine, assault with a deadly weapon, violation of bail, and filling out false insurance claims. Had a kidney transplant in 2002. Deadknobs And Doomed Picks Time Is NOT On Our Side! The Wompons

Profumo, John (Died in 2006) Born 30 January 1915  (place of birth unknown) Secretary of State for War under Harold Macmillan. He resigned in 1963 following a notorious sex scandal involving 21-year-old call girl Christine Keeler, who had also slept with a Soviet attaché. Since then he has kept very quiet, apparently doing a lot of work for good causes - for example, since 1985 he has been president of Toynbee Hall, a charity serving the East London borough of Tower Hamlets. Eejit George Lass and the Gravelings Heaven Can't Wait 'til Another Day Henry's Half-Dead Heroes In Bed With Maradona Pry It From His Cold Dead Fingers Slave to the Grave T. Rex

Prowse, David Born 1 July 1935  (Bristol, England) Former weightlifting champion who played the body of Darth Vader in the first three (or last three, depending how you look at it) "Star Wars" films. Famously annoyed to discover that George Lucas had got James Earl Jones to do the voice, without bothering to tell him. And even when the evil tyrant was unmasked in "The Return of the Jedi", Lucas got a third actor (Sebastian Shaw) to play Lord Vader's face. Henry's Half-Dead Heroes

Proxmire, William  Born 11 November 1915  (Lake Forest, Illinois, USA) Died 15 December 2005  (Sykesville, Maryland, USA) Age at death: 90  (read death notice) Former Democratic Senator from the state of Wisconsin. Suffered from Alzheimer's disease. The Doffin' Codgers Mr C

Pryor, Richard  Born 1 December 1940  (Peoria, Illinois, USA) Died 10 December 2005  (Los Angeles, California, USA) Age at death: 65  (read death notice) Influential and foul-mouthed stand-up comic who went on to play film roles ranging from the excellent ("Stir Crazy") to the execrable ("Another You"). Attempted suicide in 1980, though for the purposes of "publicity" this was presented as an accidental fire started while freebasing coke. Presumably he then fired his PR agency, if that's their idea of a cover-up. Suffered from multiple sclerosis for over 15 years before his death, though in 1997 he still managed to put in a good performance in David Lynch's "Lost Highway". 57,288,974 Americans Are Smart  Already Dead And Resurrected Bada Bada Bada Bada Bing Crazycarl  Dead In Arizona The Doom & Gloom Room Dr Death's Diabolical Dice Of Doom Dysfunctional Grim Rita Grizly Henry's Half-Dead Heroes Impaled On The Antlers Of Doom Jesus Jones Just Resting My Eyes Knockin' On Satan's Door Mr C Rude Kid Six Foot Under Snuff Daddies Stab In The Dark Toasted Brown Bread The Winged Devil Monkeys

Pym, Francis (Died in 2008) Born 13 February 1922  (Abergavenny, Wales) Tory MP from 1961-87, who also held various Cabinet posts under the Heath and Thatcher governments. Octopus of Odstock

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